My handle is Miss Merci Belle and I am a 27 year old female living in the Midwest. While I do have two bachelor degrees I've learned that there are only three loves in my life - my husband, my writing, and kink.
Me oh my do I love the kink. So much so that I recently gave up my career to take on my Miss Merci Belle persona full time. The thing is, I didn't know how HARD doing that was going to be. Don't get me wrong - I love my job. I love working with all sorts of fetishes and the lovely, wonderful people those fetishes belong to. I love working with sweet AB/DLs. I adore forced feminization and the foot fetishists. I am intrigued and pleased every time a delightful sub contacts me and have nothing but respect for true-blue doms. The crossgender clients tickle me pink - they are so damn brave! And since I have taken to specializing in some of the slightly more "out there" fetishes, I've met so many fabulous people and have gotten a chance to peer into many different lives.
The one thing all these people have in common is their love of their particular and unique brand of kink. And I fall a little in lust-love with each and every one of my clients. I can't help it! It's such a turn on, being trusted like that, being worshipped for merely doing what I do best... which is love people in return. Because I've realized that is what I do. I aim to please. As a Mommy or Nanny I'm alternately sweet or cruel. As a Mistress I brook no argument. I massage my feet, I give orders... I do whatever I need to in order to take my client to the next level.
And I do it all on webcam.
This past week my mother called to discover why I've suddenly stopped being in regular contact with her. My grandparents are ill, you see, and my inexplicable dropping off the face of the planet worried her. Suddenly I was caught out - there was no way I could tell her that I'd left my relatively well paying job that I'd juggled a full time job and full time school for four years to get... for a position as "one of those girls".
She's Extremely Catholic you see. She'd die of a heart attack right then and there.
So, being the pleaser that I am, I opened my mouth, shut it, opened it, shut it... hesitated... and then said, very quietly, "I have another job."
All of a sudden it was as if the sun peeked through storm clouds - bright and utterly dazzling. "Oh really, sweetie?! That's so great! I always told you that those men at that company didn't respect you as a woman. I bet they're just dying without you there!"
"Uhhuh," I said, hoping that being vague would save me from elaborating on what SORT of job it was. I'm not ashamed of what I do, however I do in fact love my mother dearly. She's such a product of her generation, you see, and since she had me late in life I know I confuse her and worry her on a regular basis. On top of my grandparents both being ill at the same time... well, I just didn't want to stress her out.
"So, tell me all about it."
Crap. She wanted to gossip, or as she calls it, "to dish".
Time to obfuscate. "Er, it's another internet job." Good going, Merci, nice and unobtrusive there.
"Doing what?" - this said with a bright innocence that would make any of my ABs gleam.
For a moment I considered telling her the whole truth. She's my mother, she's always loved me even when I made incredibly stupid mistakes. How bad could it be?
"Er..." THINK WOMAN, THINK! "Stress relief via webcam. I walk clients through a set of activities that relieves their, um, life tension. Using a webcam. So they can see me and I can see them. It makes it easier, you know, in case they live overseas."
There's a moment as my mother, an intelligent woman but not the most inclined towards common sense, struggles with what I'm saying. Then, "Did a company hire you, sweetheart, or are you doing this on your own?"
There's a note of warning in her voice.
My reply was tiny. "On my own..."
"Mother, come on! I was hired on by a company initially but their system is unpleasant to work with and I feel they rip off their clients. It just made more sense for me to go into business for myself."
There's this long pause and then a huff-sigh. "You're never going to get to retire working for yourself. You'll just work yourself into the ground."
"That's what an IRA is for, Mom. Besides... I really like this one."
There was more after that but suddenly I realized that I had a major life secret from my mother. As strange as it sounds, I felt utterly connected with some of my clients in a way I never had before. Some of the communities and fetishes I work with are relatively open about what they do while some of the others... not so much.
And I wondered what my mother would think of the fussy AB I'd put down for an early nap just that afternoon. She'd probably think I was insane.
And maybe I am... but I like it.
final note: I'm looking for stories from the general, overall fetish community that I can compile on my website for when it goes live. Just your fantasies, your experiences, things you'd like the world to know about Your Particular Fetish Obsession. Short stories, poems, songs, articles, blog posts, fantasies, fanfic... whatever floats your boat. I can't pay but you'd get credit for it and a link back to your email address or webpage or blog.